FAT Is Not A Dirty Word

The night of my school play in 5th grade. I loved performing onstage and would be a completely different person than I was offstage.

My daughter is turning 3 years old pretty soon and to me, she is the most beautiful thing I have ever created. From her cheeky smile to her infectious giggles and her various facial expressions, I am so happy to have her in my life. I want to teach her everything that I know, I would like her to grow up and become a strong, kind, independent, generous, person who will do good in this world. I want her to be confident and love herself just the way she is. But I know I am also a hypocrite because I for one have serious body image issues. Some days I feel I am invincible and my confidence is through the roof - and other days I beat myself up and can't even bear to leave the house. Just because I feel like complete crap and think that I look like complete crap.

Growing up, I was bullied and teased about my weight - 90% of the time it was from other girls. I don't know why, but apparently if you're a tad on the plus side then that is an open invitation for horrible name-calling. I worry about my daughter when she starts school and whether she will be surrounded by cruel, unintelligent peers who judge others by the way they look. I wonder how it would affect her and how she will cope with it. I fear that it will affect her self-esteem like how it did mine and would hold her back from getting involved in various opportunities in life.

Recently, my husband had to remind a family member and tell them not to call our daughter fat, even though it was just a joke and did not come from a malicious place. He knew how affected I was by this and saw how my face changed when that vile word was uttered and used to describe my innocent little 2 year old daughter. To my horror, ever since that incident, Gemini Grrl has used that word several times now. Once when she was playing with her toys and couldn't fit one of her dolls through a gap, so she said it was, "too fat", which I corrected her and just said that the gap was in fact too small. Then another time when we were meeting up with a good friend and she exclaimed, "Look! It's Uncle Fat Man!".

But why has the word FAT become a dirty word? Why is it spat out like a bad taste in our mouths, or a painful insult we fling at somebody to intentionally cause them pain? Why do we care so much if someone were to call us FAT? Why do we have to try so hard to tell ourselves that there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about if we do not resemble supermodels in beauty magazines? Why is this even an issue I as a Mother am worrying about because I have a daughter now?

Me in 5th grade. I know I wasn't thin back then (nor am I now), but I did not deserve to be picked on and made to feel worthless.

Is it wrong of me to keep correcting her and tip-toe around that word, trying to pretend that it doesn't exist? Should I be shielding her from this dreaded word which has been used as an ugly label and is one of the easiest things for people to pick on when trying to hurt someone's feelings? Am I doing the right thing by protecting her from being called this horrid word by our family and friends who are perhaps merely commenting on her physical changes since the last time we've met? Why am I so offended when people mention how chubby her cheeks are? Or how tubby her tummy is? Are they even saying that as an attack on my daughter's appearance or my capabilities as a Mother to feed her all the right foods and make sure she is on a proper exercise regime? Is it just all in my head? Am I being over-sensitive?

I think the answer is yes. And no.

I have the right to feel that way, because in this day and age, nobody in our society will ever call somebody else fat without making it a derogatory comment. They won't say you are fat without wanting to break you down and remind you how disgusting you have become. People meet up with old friends and are quick to update their social circle about how much weight so and so has put on, then laugh sadistically about it. If somebody has actually lost weight, you would probably compliment them to their face about their success but then bitch about them behind their back out of pure envy. Why is it when one becomes thinner, then congratulations are in order? Losing weight is apparently something to be celebrated, a great achievement, a wonderful milestone for you to write home about.

Photo Day in school back in 5th grade (the worst time of my life back then). I hated this picture so much, but my Mother says she loves it.

But getting fat? That's when you have to stop taking full-length body shots of yourself for Facebook. You have to retreat and avoid social functions at all costs. One must now adopt a baggy potato-sack sense of fashion and heaven forbid anyone ever see you eating in public ever again. People actually comment about your weight gain sadly and look at you with such pity, as they gently pat you on the shoulder and then walk away, sighing and wondering what went wrong in your life.

I don't want my daughter to grow up being obsessed with her body. I don't want her get depressed over every single pound she gains or refuse to live her life fully due to her own insecurities. Yes, of course I want her to be healthy and I am definitely not going to let her become obese - not just for the sake of physical appearance, but because of medical health. But I need to figure out first what exactly the problem is here. The fact that society is now throwing the word FAT around like it is a disgusting disease and the unrealistic expectations they have of how a woman's body should look, or that I care way too much about this than I should and my toddler is none the wiser about such labels, nor does she realise it is a dirty word when she uses it in public.

Me now. No filter. Suck it, haters.

This is a battle I am still fighting and there are good days and bad. To me, my daughter is still the epitome of perfection in my eyes and I will always love her unconditionally no matter how she looks. Perhaps I should stop trying to change the way society is, and just change the way I think. Slowly but surely, I will try my best to use this word as part of my vocabulary with no other emotions attached to it. I will do my part as a Mother to teach my beautiful daughter that FAT is not a dirty word.

How I Lost My Baby Weight (& Then Some!)

Me & Gemini Grrl in 2014 (when she was turning 2yrs old)

My weight has always been an issue for me while growing up, and even up until this very day in fact. Being one of the tallest girls in class, I stuck out like a sore thumb. Looking back, I don't think I was even medically overweight and definitely far from being obese, but the few extra pounds I had that tipped the scale were apparently enough for me to be the target of body-shaming - from my immature classmates, to my insensitive relatives.

My weight would fluctuate and it is a struggle I am still facing now. Some people say my body is absolutely fine and my own husband says he loves me just the way I am, but I guess it's hard to shake off these insecurities when you've gotten picked on, teased, ostracised and bullied for your natural body type.

So when I finally got pregnant, I was completely over the moon because we had been trying for a few years, but at the same time a tiny part of me was worried about how much weight I was going to gain and if I would balloon up like a whale.

Although I was one of those lucky ones who did not suffer from morning sickness at all and did not throw up even once throughout my entire pregnancy, I did suffer from a bit of dizziness at times and waves of nausea every now and then, and didn't really have much of an appetite (which is very strange for me because I am such a foodie). So during my first trimester, I actually lost weight!

Then post-pregnancy, I lost even more weight than I had prior to being pregnant! Yes, you can hate me now, sorry. Haha! :P I did not take any magic pills, nor did I go for expensive liposuction or anything. It was actually not that hard at all (I am SO praying that this will be true for the next time get pregnant again!). So here are my own theories as to how exactly I shed the baby weight within just 1 month after giving birth.

BREASTFEEDING

Image source: weBegirls

Did you know that when you are breastfeeding, you are actually burning up to 500 calories a day?? Apparently that's the same as:

a) Jogging for 1 HOUR
b) Swimming for 1 HOUR
c) Mowing the lawn for 2 HOURS
d) Tennis for 1 HOUR
e) Horse riding for 2 HOURS
f) Water aerobics for 2 HOURS
g) Rock climbing for 1 HOUR

No wonder I'm so hungry all the time! I am actually still breastfeeding until now (Gemini Grrl is turning 3yrs old in a few months' time), and plan on stopping whenever she is done with it. 

DIET

Thai Crispy Fish Salad in Banana Flower Petal. (Image by Imagine)

No, please do not go on a diet. I personally believe that diets are absolute bullsh*t. However, it is good to watch your diet. Eat whatever you want, but everything must be in moderation. After giving birth, my Mom cooked me traditional Thai Confinement Food and would send it over piping hot to my house almost every morning before she went to work. This would include hot soups (lots of liquid intake is good for breastfeeding moms), banana flower (to promote lactation - trust me, this worked REALLY well!), pepper, ginger (both to help expel wind. Mmm, lovely. LOL!), chicken liver/ gizzard/ heart (to help replenish my blood loss), plenty of fruit and vegetables (for fibre and vitamins). I was also advised to avoid eating anything too sugary as it was empty calories and wouldn't really do much for my health anyway (I won't lie though, I did indulge in the occasional macaron and cupcake!).

Drink LOTS of water to help flush your body out because of water retention (sounds weird, I know, drink water to get rid of excess water??), but apparantly this is so. Soups and porridge will keep you full for longer, so maybe that's why I was pretty content eating 3 bowls of soup a day, without hearing any complaining from my tummy.

POST-NATAL MASSAGE & TUMMY WRAP

Image by Imagine

If you read my previous post about my TTC tips, you'll remember that I mentioned traditional massage as part of my TTC journey. Well, I used the same masseuse for my post-natal massages and she would come to my house with all her oils and wraps each time. I would get a lovely relaxing massage for about 1 hour each time and she would end it off with wrapping me up tightly in a tummy binder, which would help get me back into shape. 

1 month after giving birth, my tummy was FLAT. Oh, ignore my grimacing face - I am NOT a fan of the lizard family :S

I admit, I was a little skeptical at first and wasn't sure what exactly to expect, but I swear to God that just 1 month after giving birth (and only 2 weeks of these massages + tummy wraps), my body was more in shape than it was BEFORE I was even pregnant!!!! My tummy was absolutely FLAT and I think looked even better than it had in yearssss. I even wore a CROP TOP for my bub's very first outing to the nearby park. Hell, I wouldn't even wear one NOW, but I was feeling super happy with my post-baby body. You have to wear the tight wrap for at least 6 hours though (the longer the better) and it is VERY uncomfortable. Some people don't even last more than 2 hours. But there are some who will wear it to sleep! 

Not only is the massage relaxing for you, but it helps with your blood circulation, reduces water retention, expels wind, gets your womb back into place, and well, come on, you deserve to treat yourself! I am actually tempted to call the masseuse up again to wrap my my cake belly right now :P

EXERCISE

Image from Imagine

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Only joking. I wasn't exercising at all. Well, at least not in the gym anyway. Ain't nobody got time fo dat! Especially when you're a SAHM with no help whasoever, your husband's at work and you're left all alone at home staring at the new precious little bundle of joy that you have absolutely no friggin' clue what to do with. Getting up at all hours of the night, rocking my baby to sleep, running to the bathroom to pee when my bubs was asleep - all that was enough exercise for me already! 

But honestly though, if you were active during your pregnancy, then not only will that help with a faster delivery (mine was 7 hours in total from start to finish), but it also helps you to easily shed the post-pregnancy weight. If you have the energy and luxury of working out after your baby is here, then go for it! I miss being inside the gym as well, but seriously could not be bothered anymore right now. But you can just burn a few extra calories by doing everyday stuff. Baby-wearing, carrying your ever-growing baby, take a brisk walk with your little one in a stroller, take the stairs, go window-shopping with your girlfriends. Every little effort counts, trust me.

Now that Gemini Grrl's almost 3 years old, I'm still keeping myself active by going out with her, running around, chasing after her, dancing, swimming, and basically just being a Mom.


GENETICS

My Mom & 1yr old grumpy me ^_^ \m/

I think it's sort of true what they say. A woman ages like her mother. For me, I should hope so, because my Mom is still in pretty good shape and looks good! After giving birth, her body bounced back quickly, so I guess I get my genes from her. Phew!

But yeah, I guess you can't help this one. Although nothing is set in stone. Even if your Mom gained double her body weight through the years, that doesn't mean that you will inevitably follow in her footsteps.


MY FINAL THOUGHTS

The most recent full body-shot of me taken in April 2015 (3 years after giving birth).

Let me be very honest here. Yes, I lost 20kg after giving birth. Yes, I was the thinnest I had ever been in a very long time. But when my period finally returned when my daughter was about 1.5 years old, that's when my body realised that I was a woman and started to pump more estrogen once again. My hips came back, my thighs became juicier, my ass got bigger, my batwings waved hello, my tummy got soft and I gained about 10kg and counting. I can blame it on all the extra desserts I sneaked in, or hormones, or lack of intensive exercise. But no, I don't care - I shouldn't care - and neither should you. Being pregnant and giving birth is no easy feat. Sure, millions and billions of women go through it around the world, but it still does not diminish our amazing accomplishment. I am not saying you should just give up and drink lard by the tubs, eat a whole wedding cake for breakfast and snack on bacon bits secretly stashed away in your diaper bag. 

But I am urging all Moms out there to be happy with your post-baby body because it is a testament to the beautiful creation which you bore. I am writing this down as a reminder to myself as well, because there are days when I stare at the mirror after trying to squeeze myself into a pair of old jeans and I wonder wtf happened. Motherhood happened, that's what. 

So go through my list and try it out if you want. It may or not work for you. My body may or may not bounce back like it did before with my next pregnancy(ies). Who knows? And frankly, who cares? Embrace your curves.

I remember the day I was leaving the hospital to go home with my baby for the very first time and I was in the bathroom changing out of my hospital gown and into my lovely little dress. I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror, especially my saggy bulging midsection where my baby used to reside, and felt sheer horror for a split second.

"Is this what my body is going to look like forever and ever??"

 I wondered to myself. But then I could hear the excited chatter outside of my close friends, family and husband, oohing and aahing over the little miracle I pushed out of my body just 2 days earlier, and I smiled to myself, thinking, 

"I don't care. It was all worth it"

And you know what? Looking back almost 3 years later, with my beautiful Gemini Grrl by my side, with her radiant smile, cheeky antics, funny observations, effervescent personality, I feel that it definitely is all worth it. 

Every single kilogram.

The ABCs of TTC: How To Get Pregnant (When The Old Fashioned Way Doesn't Seem To Be Working)

I got the positive news on 9/10/11 :)

A few years ago, my husband and I decided that we finally wanted to have a baby. After about 6 years of marriage, we felt that it was about time for our family to grow. I married pretty young (22), so we had put it off for a while until I thought that I was ready to become a Mother. I had always longed to have children and it was something we had talked about before. But little did we know that our TTC (Trying To Conceive) journey would be a rocky one. It took us over 2 years before I got pregnant, and although it may not seem like a long time to others, to me it was pure hell on earth. Everywhere I looked, there were pregnant women all around me. Facebook announcements made me want to hurl my laptop out of the window. Friends lamenting about how terrible they were feeling during their pregnancy, while they sat there rubbing their baby bump, as I smiled as widely as I could and blinked back my tears. Complete strangers on the subway train, heavily pregnant, made me want to stand up and scream.

My husband and I both went for fertility check ups and were deemed healthy. Although the Doctor was a little concerned whether I was ovulating properly - as in, was an egg actually being released each time I was supposed to ovulate? So I went through a series of tests, was poked, prodded, inside and out, and would cry on the bus by myself as I made myself home from my weekly hospital appointments. It was torturous and I felt so alone because no one really seemed to know what I was going through and I had no one to talk to.

So when my prayers were answered and I finally saw the positive signs on the test kit for the first time in my life, I vowed to share my journey with others so that hopefully someone out there may find some comfort in hearing about the various trials and tribulations I endured, and most importantly, perhaps even benefit from the various methods I have gone through myself.

Below is an A - Z list of different conception tips you can try. Some may be pretty unconventional, but hey, whatever it takes, right? So do read through my compiled list of TTC advice and here's sending some baby dust your way!

A - Acupuncture

Image from Imagine

Ok, I must admit that I only knew about this while watching a random show on TV one evening about Mariah Carey and how she claimed that acupuncture treatments helped to boost her fertility and get pregnant with her twins. I have heard about acupuncture before and living in a South East Asian country gives me the luxury of having a wide range of places that offer such services. I had actually planned to go for one such treatment with one of my friends, but about month or two before that, found out the good news. However, it doesn't just magically happen after 1 session and you have to go quite a number of times before it can have any affect.

B - Baby Dust

Image from Imagine

There is something absolutely magical about carrying a baby or a tiny toddler in your arms. You hold them close to you and can smell their fragrant baby-powder, sweet caramel, natural baby-scented goodness. Some people believe that if you carry or play with a lot of kids, for some reason it will help to increase your chances of getting pregnant. Also, it is considered good luck to be around a pregnant Mom to soak in all her "baby dust". Sounds a little cuckoo? Oh who cares, it makes your ovaries sigh with happiness to cuddle those adorable babies anyway. Just enjoy it.

C - Cervical Mucus

Image from Imagine

No, this is not gross, it is perfectly natural and you should be aware of your cervical mucus (or vaginal discharge) because it is a good indicator of ovulation. The various states or consistency will change throughout.

EGG-WHITE = Most Fertile
WATERY = Fertile
CREAMY = Least Fertile
STICKY = Least Fertile (Post-Ovulation)
DRY = Non-Fertile (Pre-Ovulation)


D - Diet

Image from Imagine

This does not mean you have to starve yourself and just chew on lettuce leaves like a rabbit all day long. On the contrary - you have to be on a well-balanced diet and eat nutritious foods. You are allowed to have the occasional cheeseburger or slice of pizza or a can of soda, but all these should be consumed in moderation. Get more fruits and especially vegetables into your diet and try to include these fertility boosting foods as well:
Brown Rice
Eggs
Salmon
Whole Milk
Broccoli
Olives & Olive Oil
Black Beans
Oysters
Avocado
Almonds
Watercress
Collared Beans
Kale
Spinach
Grapefruit
Arugula
Figs
Green Tea
Coconut Cream
Tofu
(Damn, that list is making me hungry!).

E - Exercise

Image from Imagine

For those of us who are no way in hell going to strike a warrior pose on the beach by ourselves like a loony toon, fret not, you can get a bit of exercise into your daily routine without too much hassle. Take the stairs instead of the elevator/ escalator. Get off one bus stop early and walk the rest of the way. Do a few yoga stretches in the comfort of your own home (away from distracting bikini-clad babes who make you want to bury your head in the sand) - there are even some yoga poses which are specifically for boosting fertility. Whatever you choose to do, just get your blood pumping and your muscles working. I was told by my Fertility Doctor that I had to lose 10kg, and as much as I wanted to claw her eyes out, I did my best to shed the excess baggage by doing Taebo as often as I could. Although, do note that being underweight is also not very good for fertility. The trick is to find just the right balance.

F - Fertility Type

Image from Imagine

Once again I caught wind of this while watching some entertainment channel because I was following Giuliana Rancic's TTC journey. She mentioned Dr Sami David and his Making Babies programme, so I checked it out online and came across a questionnaire you could fill out which would then tell you the results of your "Fertility Type". It would also recommend what sort of diet and exercise regime would be the most suitable for you, which I felt was quite cool because not all of us are built the same.

G - General Health

Image from Imagine

Our bodies are funny but smart things, because sometimes when it can detect that you are not really in the pink of health, then chances of becoming pregnant are pretty slim. Perhaps it's just nature's way of ensuring that the Mother will be healthy enough to carry a baby to full-term and deliver without any complications. There are exceptions of course and this is most definitely not 100% accurate, but it does make sense that before you want to embark on a delicate 9 month journey, you should make sure that you are fully prepared for it mentally and physically. So take care of yourself first and also get a full health check-up before you start trying. For your sake, as well as your future baby's.

H - Hope

Image from Imagine

On most of my dark days, all I had left was hope. When I felt like giving up, like just breaking down and letting go of my dreams of ever becoming a Mother, I clutched on to the tiny shreds of hope I had left that someday my wish would come true. So cast thought negative thoughts aside and never ever give up hope. In fact, my favourite poem of all time by Emily Dickinson helped me through these tough times:

HOPE IS THE THING WITH FEATHERS

"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm

That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chilliest land

And on the strangest sea;

Yet, never in extremity,

It asked a crumb of me".

I - IUI & IVF

Image from Imagine

These were the next few steps that my husband and I were willing to explore. You can get these treatments done at  fertility clinic or some hospitals. Just talk to your doctor about it and how to take the next step.

IUI is when they place the sperm directly into your uterus. You usually take fertility drugs prior to this treatment to increase your chances of getting pregnant, thus possible resulting in multiples. I was actually about to take my first round of Clomid, but then got pregnant naturally before I could :)
IVF is when they combine the sperm with the egg in a laboratory dish and then transfer the embryo back into the uterus. This may also result in multiples.

This may not be the ideal way of getting pregnant like you thought of, but not all of us are blessed with perfect fertility, so it's good to know that these options are available to us, should we choose it.


J - Junk Detox

Image from Imagine

Be it smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, binging on fast food, taking drugs or gulping down gallons of coffee, try your best to eliminate all junk from your system. This goes for your partner as well. For us women, it is also better to cut this out of our habits because we shouldn't really be indulging in those things when we are pregnant anyway. I know it's hard, and it sucks and you're grumpy as hell - but the pay off is well worth it, I promise!

K - Keep Track

Image from Imagine

Of your period (when did it start? How long did it last? When did it end?) and of when you did the deed. It helps you to figure out your fertile window, as well as hopefully get clued in about your conception date ;) You can track it down manually on a calendar/ daily planner, but there are also convenient and easy to use Apps you can also download. This information is also helpful when you go for any fertility check-ups, because it's obviously a little tough to try to recall the exact dates from memory. Some women also have irregular periods, so it's good to make note of when you do menstruate as this will allow you to calculate your next possible ovulation dates.

L - Lubricants

Image from Imagine

Some may not realise this, but a lot of lubricants actually hinder sperm from reaching the egg, because of their consistency. So it is better to your sperm-friendly lube, or you could even try natural alternatives such as:

Olive Oil
Vegetable Oil
Baby Oil
Egg Whites

M - Menstrual Cups

Image from Wikipedia

I came across this by chance while I was browsing through an online shop selling various TTC aid items, one of which was the Menstrual Cup. I had never heard about this in my entire life and thought it was pretty interesting. Not only do some women use it for their monthly visits from Aunt Flo, but it has also been said to be effective in holding in the sperm after intercourse to increase chances of conceiving. It makes sense, doesn't it?

N - Nesting

Image from Imagine

When you have that urge to start a family, they call that being "broody". Then when you start preparing your home for that special little addition, they call that "nesting". I'm not sure why they like to use bird analogies, but it does tie in rather nicely with the poem about Hope, doesn't it? :) Nesting isn't just reserved for those who already have babies on the way, I personally think that it's fine to start preparing for the little one when you're still TTC. Think about the sleeping arrangements - will bubs have his or her own nursery? If so, what colour do you want to paint it? Or will they share the same room as you? You can buying bits and bobs of baby stuff if that makes you feel happy - I certainly did, and yes, it made me feel very happy because I was preparing for my future baby, instead of sitting around just waiting and wondering. Make sure your house is baby-proof (this is easier to do anyway without a growing baby bump or those waves of nausea). Do your research about cribs, carseats, strollers, bibs, bottles, pumps, diaper creams, etc - just spend your days reading and preparing yourself for when the time comes. It's never too early for that, and it sure makes you feel positive about things.

O - Ovulation Predictor Kit

Image from Imagine

Oh, I get the bird analogies now! Every month when we ovulate, an egg is released from our ovaries and if it gets fertilized by a sperm then that's when you become pregnant :D It is important to know when exactly you ovulate, as you are most fertile around two to three days before that. Also remember that it is better to actually have sex before you start ovulating, so as to increase your chances of getting pregnant. If you're not sure about how to chart your fertile window, then you can also use an Ovulation Predictor Kit. They pretty much work like Pregnancy Test Kits and can be found at the same place in the shops. 

P - Pray

Image from Imagine

Whether or not you are religious, or what your religion is, just pray. Take the time out of the hustle and bustle of your daily life to say a heartfelt prayer for yourself and your desire to become a Mother. Ask for prayers to be made for you as well, regardless of everyone else's faith or beliefs. A prayer can be made in a place of worship, in private, in a roomful of other people, in your mind as you are on a long bus ride by yourself, before you go to sleep - just pray for the best. A prayer can also just be positive thoughts and good vibes sent your way. During this TTC journey, it's nice to just receive any form of support and good juju from those around you.

Q - Quotes

Image from Imagine

Pinterest is not just for finding delicious recipes for your next potluck party, or making yourself feel inadequate about your lack of party planning skills, you can also find a lot of inspirational quotes there to lift you up and remind you to soldier on (or funny sarcastic ones to give you a good laugh!). Go online to read about other people's TTC struggles with happy endings, which will give you hope as well. Connect with other people who have been in your shoes, so that you won't feel like you're all alone. You won't believe how touched I was when some of my friends shared their personal TTC stories with me and offered words of advice and encouragement. Some of whom I didn't even realise had problems conceiving as well, but were able to recognise the pain I was going through and reached out to me to offer a shoulder to cry on. This is also partly why I now want to be someone's listening ear as well and share the struggles of my past experience, so that hopefully it will benefit somebody else.

R - Relax

Image from Imagine

I know, I know, if you had a penny for every time someone told you to "just relax and it will happen", you will have enough to fill a sock to smack them over the head with. When my Fertility Doctor told me that I was too stressed and just needed to relax as well, I actually asked if there was a pill he could prescribe for that (turns out there is, actually). But not wanting do go down the pharmaceutical route just yet, I opted to cut down the stress-factors in my life and pretty much try to chill the f*ck out. As I work on a freelance basis, fortunately I had the liberty to start turning down a few projects that were offered to me, when before I would readily accept every single job that came my way. My schedule was a nightmare and as a theatre practitioner, the rehearsals would usually run late into the night. Chasing deadlines as a scriptwriter and typing furiously away while my husband was already snoring away in bed was also not very beneficial to my health. So we made it a point to have more "date nights", and to go on relaxing holidays or even staycations. I also signed up for a spa package which included massages and facial treatments, just to pamper myself and make me at least look good on the outside even though I was completely broken on the inside. 'Til this very day, I actually still have 2 more sessions to go to but have yet to do so because I got the good news before the whole package was even completed :)

S - Sperm

Image from Imagine

When you are trying for a baby, sperm is an obvious factor in the equation, so it's not all on us women to get pregnant, remember that! You have to make sure that your significant other's swimmers are in tip top shape as well. Ask him to go for a fertility check-up, get him on a better diet and lifestyle, ask him to cut down on all his unhealthy habits, make sure he also takes his supplements & vitamins. He is as much a part of this as you are. Sure, he may not be going through the emotional turmoil you experience every month and he may never begin to understand what it's like as a woman to long for something so precious to you that seems so out of reach - but he should show his support by not only being there for you to cry on, but also to do his part to make this happen. Remember, you're both in this together.

T - Traditional Massage

Image from Imagine

Massages are awesome whether or not you are TTC, but some of the ones offered at spas and such are usually just to help relax you - which is good too because, well, refer to "R" above. But Traditional Massages are good for targeting specific health issues or concerns. Massages are really good for your blood flow as well. I was lucky that my husband's old neighbour he had while growing up happens to be a Traditional Indonesian Masseuse who actually specialises in Fertility Massages as well as Post-Natal Massages (which I also had shortly after I gave birth). So she was pretty much an old family friend and watched my husband grow up since we was a teenage boy. Ok, I'm not sure if that made the whole experience nicer for me or more awkward though, haha! The massage was fairly painless, but she did focus on my womb area and at one point pressed down so hard I thought I would have a really embarrassing accident right in her face. LOL!!!! Depending on where you live in the world, there should be Traditional Massage services offered somewhere - umm, with happy endings of the baby kind ;)

U - Understand Your Body

Image from Imagine

It's unfair when you see someone popping out babies practically every year and they lament about it not even being planned. It's unfair that they didn't even take supplements; Only ate bags of potato chips and drank soda by the litres; Smoked like a chimney; Drank like a fish; Know jacksh*t about TTC; Are considered medically obese; Did not even read this whole entire damn list. Yes, it sucks big time. How come they conceived so easily but you didn't? What did you do wrong? The answer is nothing - you did absolutely nothing wrong. We are all designed very differently and what works for others may not necessarily work for you. You are the only one who knows your own body. Some people can eat a whole tub of ice cream for dinner every single day and not gain a pound (B*TCHES!!). Whereas some merely inhale the sweet aroma of freshly baked doughnuts and our waistline increases by one size (story of my life). So the same goes for being able to conceive on the first try or after several years. You just have to understand what works for your body and what you feel would increase your chances of a positive outcome.

V - Vitamins

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Before you even get pregnant, your body should be prepped and ready for the baby. So taking supplements and vitamins will not only be beneficial to your health, but it will also boost your fertility (this goes for both you and your significant other). Besides taking a fertility blend supplement, my husband and I were both advised to take Folic Acid. Apparently this improves the quality of sperm, and also helps cut down on any problems with producing eggs. Here is a list of other fertility supplements & vitamins you can find out more about and try (but please consult your Doctor before taking any of them):

Chaste Tree Berry
Red Clover
Omega-3 Fatty Acids
Maca Root
Folic Acid
Iron
Magnesium
Vitamin E
Vitamin B
Siberian Ginseng
Lady's Mantle
Black Cohosh

W - Weight

Image from Imagine

I know it sucks to hear this, because a lot women have some sort of issue with their weight or body image in general. But yes, your weight can actually affect your chances of conceiving. If you are overweight or even underweight, then that needs to be corrected. Same goes for your significant other as well. This was quite annoying for me because I found that the fertility supplements I was taking were actually causing me to gain weight and plump up because my body was getting primed for a possible baby. But I guess if my weight wasn't on the higher end of the normal BMI range to begin with, a few extra pounds wouldn't have been enough to tip the scale. You can go here to calculate your BMI (Body Mass Index) to determine whether or not you are in the Normal (Healthy) range.

X - XXX

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Umm, yes, I think you all know how to do the deed. But when TTC, there are a few more things you have to make note of. WHEN you do it, HOW you do it, and HOW OFTEN. I used to think that it you get busy every single day, that would increase our chances, right? Wrong! It's actually better to do it every other day, so it doesn't decrease the sperm count. The boys need time to recuperate too :P Now I'm not going to go into details about positions and stuff, but apparently if you prop a pillow under your hips afterwards, it might help to keep the sperm in. I totally did this as well. Some people don't believe this works and some doctors say it's all hogwash, but seriously, at this point in time, you're open to all ideas, right? Also, remember that sperm can live inside you for about 24 - 48 hours (1 - 2 days), but your egg usually hangs around for only 24 hours (1 day). So it's better if you have sex at least 1 day before you ovulate, because it's better for the boys to be hanging around eagerly waiting for Her Royal Majesty to arrive, rather than have her show up to an empty stage, get impatient and then storm off. I know, such a Rockstar, right? Haha!!

Y - Youth

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Notice how the older you get, the louder your biological clock seems to tick? It's just nature's way of reminding you that if you want to have a baby, now's the time to do it! Women over the age of 35 might have a more difficult time getting pregnant because as we age, unfortunately our fertility also decreases. Now even though it may not be entirely impossible to conceive at that age and up, it is advisable to start trying before that, so as to avoid any difficulties. But I do speak from experience being a 20-something year at that time and still facing problems TTC, so sometimes you wonder whether this whole age thing is just bunch of bull. Doctors do advise though that the older you are, the more increased risks you have of developing pregnancy complications. That being said, I have some friends and relatives who have conceived and had healthy, normal pregnancies when they were pushing 40, and also know of other people who were still in their 20's and faced complications. So once again, maybe life is just being a d*ck. But if possible, yes, try to start TTC earlier than 35, just to be on the safe side and at least you will have more time to play with.

Z - Zzz's

Image from Imagine

Apparently you can increase your chances of conceiving if you get at least 7 - 8 hours of sleep every night. It's also good to establish a stable sleep routine of going to bed and waking up around the same time every day. The amount of sleep we get alters certain hormones in a way, which in turn affects our fertility. But that doesn't give you an excuse to be Sleeping Beauty and lie in 'til after lunch. If you get too much sleep, that could also do more than harm than good. So remember, get good quality sleep between 7 - 8 hours. No more, no less.


So there is my super long-winded (but hopefully helpful!) list of ABC's on how to get pregnant. I really hope it will benefit at least one person to read it. Please remember though that I am not a medically professional, and all the above-mentioned tips are from my own personal experience or research I gathered on my own TTC journey, so do consult your doctor before you follow any of the advice mentioned, or at least do your own thorough research.

If you have any more questions or just want to vent about how TTC can sometimes really suck ass, do leave a comment (or email me privately) and I'll be more than happy to reply. Good luck and babydust to all of you! :)